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Category Archives: Quotes

Great Quotes by Great People (#3)

THIS STOPS ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE…….I can learn from the best.

‘Oxfam has a mesmerising physique’ – Pope John Paul II

‘I lose all my charisma when I have to stand up’ – Yao Ming

‘Eyes look like tumors’ – Florence Nightingale

‘I’d rather be Medusa’s shrink’ – Ho Chi Minh

‘What came first: Dinosaurs or Jesus?’ – Sarah Palin

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Posted by on May 13, 2011 in Quotes, Random

 

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Kids Say The Funniest Things

THIS STOPS ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE…….as Oscar Wilde says ‘we get more stupid as we get older’

[Guest writer: Pep]

hi kids

Since Michael Barrymore left the world of show business there has been something missing in everyone’s lives. Kids say the funniest things. Fortunately I have the next best thing: actual quotes from actual kids in actual classrooms. I hope they are as funny written down as they were when overheard.

“How do you cut a tomato?”

“Mangina! Mangina!”

“Miss, what’s masturbation?”

“I’m giving up religious views for lent”

“Teleport, teleport, teleporting fat guy” (sung)

“If I get a nose job will my kids have my old nose or my new nose?”

“Toupee machines? Do they even do them anymore?”

“FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY” (sung by class)

“Slap the fatty! Just do it, kid!”

“”When I was asleep and sleep-walking I went into my mum’s room and weed on her”

“hypotenu…hypote…potty training!”

“It’s all fun and games until someone gets a yeast infection”

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Posted by on April 1, 2011 in Funny, Quotes, Random

 

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Politics and Cheating

THIS STOPS ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE…….look at those fake smiles!

‘Electing a politician is like choosing a husband; confident, charismatic & treats you just badly enough’

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Posted by on March 23, 2011 in Quotes, Random

 

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Great Quotes by Great People (#2)

THIS STOPS ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE…….it gives me great inspiration


‘His teeth are so yellow! Does he brush them with Fish Fingers?’
– Dalai Lama

‘My English getting worse’ – Leonardo DiCaprio

‘I hate you more than I hate looking in a mirror’ – Cleopatra

‘I’m not lazy! I’ve been worki….never mind.’ – Dr. Martin Luther King

‘He’s gay? I thought he was just European!’ – Queen Elizabeth II

‘I’m taking a break from it. I need to refresh my break…I mean brain!’ – Rupert Murdoch

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Posted by on March 9, 2011 in Quotes

 

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Great Quotes by Great People (#1)

THIS STOPS ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE…….because these people are better than mere mortals.


‘Disney was trying to kill me’

– Socrates

‘I don’t get confused between yes and no… oh wait I do…actually no I don’t’
– Joseph Stalin

‘Who needs memory? I don’t even remember what it’s for’
– Barack Obama

‘No I don’t need food. I’ve had 5 kit kats’
– Voltaire

‘Your nipples look powerful’
– Prophet Muhammad

‘I feel illmatic. It’s been a week and I’m stillmatic illmatic. ‘It Was Written’ I suppose, I’m going to get illmatic someday, I’m not ‘God’s Son’
–  Hilary Clinton

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Posted by on March 4, 2011 in Quotes

 

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